Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
