sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
