Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
