At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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