the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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