they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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