I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
did you just send me my own nude
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
