bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
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So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
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can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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