just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
