Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
