Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
