You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
