This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
