her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
is wine microwaveable?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
