some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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