why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
