quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
