The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Randomize
