he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
