I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
