Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
