dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
