1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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