what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
