Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
