There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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