Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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