By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Oh god it's open bar.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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