so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
