Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
