allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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