first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
