My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
