I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
