I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
