Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
