i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
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woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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