Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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