Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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