remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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