I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
