discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Two words: blizzard sex
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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