North Korea, Best Korea!
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
