She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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