i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
