I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
