She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
