I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
