stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
