Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
