i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
