u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
