My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
