Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
