His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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