So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize