SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
i think my cat just said my name.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
