i would punch a child for taco bell
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
