Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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