"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
