Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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