We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
