she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
