This dress was meant to end up on your floor
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
