yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The adults are the big ones right?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
