An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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