So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
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