We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕