cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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