why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
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