Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
