I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
