Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
