I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
