Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
