I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
