Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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