It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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