You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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